Same Situation, Different Perspectives: When Personality Styles Clash

THE SITUATION

I observed a heated argument recently.

Two people from my horse stables had been out riding and were coming back along a reasonably busy road. It was late summer, around 8pm, and the light was fading. With two dark horses and poor visibility, it was becoming risky to be out. A fellow horse rider, approaching in her car, stopped to warn them. She explained that it was unsafe to ride on the roads in the dark, as drivers could easily miss seeing them.

HOW IT ESCALATED

The car driver, who shows a preference for Blue behaviour (logical, analytical, objective), communicated in her usual clear, fact-based manner. She calmly pointed out the dangers and risks in a direct and accurate way, but without softening her words.

One of the riders, however, who has a preference for Yellow behaviour (expressive, people-focused and energetic) heard the message very differently: not as concern for her safety, but as a personal criticism of her judgment. Her natural warmth and positivity turned into defensiveness as she felt deeply offended against what she felt was an unfair reprimand.

The argument I witnessed was the following day, back at the stables. What had been intended as a simple warning had turned into a heated exchange and left a sour and uncomfortable atmosphere which stayed long afterwards.

WHY DID THIS HAPPEN?

The problem arose due to the different approaches in their communication style, and without an appreciation for each other’s differences.

• The car driver thought she was being helpful by sticking to the facts.

• The rider experienced it as blunt, cold and judgmental.

Neither were aware that they were viewing the same situation through different perspectives.

WHAT COULD HAVE HELPED?

If either person had understood the other’s style, this whole situation might have played out differently.

• The driver could have softened her message:
  “I was a bit worried seeing you out as it got darker but I’m glad you’re back safe.”
  This still communicates the risk, but in a warmer, more considerate way.

• The rider could have paused and considered:
  “She communicates in a very factual way, this isn’t a personal attack on me, it’s just her style.”

KEY TAKEAWAYS

At LearnLing, we help teams spot these personality clues quickly and adapt their communication to avoid situations like this from escalating. By understanding each other’s preferences, we can avoid unnecessary conflict, reduce misunderstandings and build better relationships.

If we can start to understand each other’s preferences and communication style, and what this actually means, we can be more empathetic to each other and communicate in a more meaningful and productive way for everyone.